U have grown to be mature, strong, steady and even know your direction of life. You made me proud because is part of me that made you to be like this. I'm truly give thanks for what you become. Is my honor to say that you are good and secure now. If only I met you now, things would be different, very much different no it be good nor bad. Yup. Life needs to move on. We can't stagnant there forever, if not, we will get stuck in a place forever. No matter how it moves on, you are still my memories. No doubt I will still think about you, but it brings no meaning. Happy is in the heart. You are the 2nd things I hardly let go.

Wanna know my first ? If you know me well, you will know it. Here's the clue. Thing that I let go in 10 years ago which is most precious to God. =)

Cheers! 


P/S: And I do ask my self, how come you still read my blog? em....
Thanks for letting me know that you read my message.

Bondage

I read about a book called "Set Free on Bondage."

I think I am in with my previous relationship that lasted for 4 years.
It was really a sign, that I had to let go. But I still thinking back of good old memories. Till now, sometimes I still compare that Ed is better than Nic in certain ways of how they treating me.
This situation causes me felt like in bondage with Ed. It seems like I couldnt let go, and stir by the evil temptation to think about it. Moreover his birthday is tomorrow. More likely I will text him.

Praying hardly I could be set free from this bondage.

Troubles comes,
Troubles goes,
Love come easily,
But is more painful to set free.

Christmas 2013

I couldnt feel much joy and significant that it is the Lord birth. But I do remind myself that God gave away His son for us on this special day with deliverance from Mary. But it begins with EVE, working day like normal. Wanting to get half day, but I failed and till normal off hour. Reached to his place for dinner, and he wouldnt spend time with me to go through Christmas.
Then no choice but I have to go home and do my wrapping as I could not have enough time to do it because of Pastor Joe's presentation of 60th Anniversary of LCMS.

It leave me no choice but to do last minute wrapping. And it took me the whole night for me to go through with my gifts. Big and small, all came with candle and a deco. Not a easy task to do the wrapping. But I manage to finish on time before I go to church. And Start my morning service late because I was dily-dely my time and goes off at 8.30am. Reached at church and got morning call to go and buy Vicks for Pastor Joe.

And here i miss the morning worship. But worship is not about songs but about the whole process of servicing God. Thank for it, I made it for Bible reading time. Then words, baptism and end of service.

After service, while waiting for worship team to meeting, many presents were given and received. Then in time of waiting, Im walking around and suddenly hand grip loosen and there goes my Iphone. At last it got broken the screen. Sigh... My first biggest Christmas gift this year. Was thinking, should I change glass or should I just change phone. Sigh..........

Then after their meeting, we went for lunch in Wongkok, Scott Garden. The place was good, cheap and less people. Good for whole cell to be there. While waiting, I'm thank God as well because he joined in to lunch together. Although less chat, I could see he is damn boring and always pressing the phone. I asked him to leave as waiting for Melissa to end Chinese Service. It was a long service they had. And I'm kinda sleepy..

It took me a sleepy drive home as I couldnt bear and take the sleepiness out of my head. Kept on hitting myself to awake. Nearly close my eyes and put the wheels off road. =P
And Thank God that I reached home safe enough and sleep soundly right after. Hehe.....
There ends my day sleeping in Christmas and light dinner at home.

28th

For this year birthday was quite a normal one.


Glad that I had my secondary friends who accompany me on the 17th for dinner and it helds in Maiu, Sri Petaling. Seeing them was my greatest joy. I couldn't ask more for it. It was Tuesday on that day of which I couldnt remember that there was pasar malam. It just took me half an hour to look for car park. But still thank God, I found a good and nice parking place. First joy begins.

Second joy was, everyone was there happily eating. Though the food gone bad taste but still what kepts us happy was the conversation btwn 6 of us.

Third joy was, gift exchange from everyone as Christmas present. I got BodyShop shampoo, lotion and a scrub. But sadly, I gave away simple yet cheap stuff, not as expensive as them. :( And it ends the night happily and joyful.

While on 18th, It is my birthday. Just like normal, going to work, relaxing. Got a great lunch from my boss. He didnt know it is my birthday for I suggested to him to have a great lunch with me. And it was joined by whole company. 6 of us, Uncle Lau, May, Gavin, Summer, Veronica and me. Wow.. Going for a lunch cost Rm150 and I think is cheap by eating all out nice food! yummy! Thank God as well for this wonderful boss that I have.

After work, just heading church to park my car waiting for him to pick me up to Kuchai to dinner with him. Eating in restaurant@foodcourt. As he said was nice. He brought me to seafood. Kind of expensive crab  which cost RM72 per kg. Haha... Super expensive but having 2 crabs. And ordered a Lala.. All total up cost RM92. We also order a noodle, water and all total around RM100++. Too much to eat.. But I still prefer Klang. Hehe.. my preference.

Had a long night sitting down there to eat. Glad that he ate with me because he is kind of high cholesterol but still trying to cheer me up by eating it with me. =) Thank God for another great meal and time spending together. After that, it just end with fetching me back to church to get my car and head home..

Days of 18th 2013 ended soon when reaching home.


Be glad be joy,
For the Lord has prepared His ways.

Counting to 28th

yea... count down begins in 7 days. I'm no longer 27th. Correct? haha... dont care... missing my teenage time. and im 30th soon. :P
10 years are just that quick. I still remember the first time i went to college. It was my 17th. N now im coming to it. Just a glimpse. Everything changes so fast. Been through so many things, up and down. And now my direction is a bit clear of what I should be doing. Hopefully God prepare this good route for me to go through. It like a dream that i been spending it with happy going without cares or burdens.
This is me. Happy go lucky. But I need to set my mission next year. The day onwards from 2014 for the things I need to achieve. Will write down soon.

Hope for the best.
Strive for the best.
Looking up to the best.
Surely, success is there waiting for me.

Love,
Tamie

imstillthinkingbackofpast.ofwhichitreallyhitsmybrainthathowmuchibeenthrough.2009-2013.countingthedaysareslowbuttheyearsarejustcomingwithoutknowing.andidomissitsometimes.unforgettable.

werecaledbabyduringthosetime.timeischanging......

Angry mood

Love doesn't happen like how u plan, we shud just go with the flow. Stop complaints me. I'm doing what I can. 

I try to be good and listen to you, but it seems u don't appreciate me At all. What am I suppose to do? I'm getting fed up with all the revenging systems from you. Y can't u be more tolerate and understanding me? U just want things to be happen your way. Is always your way. Even if I want my way, I will at least discuss with you. N you? Just challenging me with you plan without discussing with me. Aren't you a bit selfish? Even if you say, I have my plan, but it doesn't mean u can't have your plan!! U can at least let me know what u wanna do. Whenever you see me, just hide in room and start with your gaming n left me alone. And I just do my stuff. This is call gf?  While you can hang out to use money with you friend to drink till you like and hardly spend $ on me! Wtf!! I'm a doll? Or what? I really don't understand. I feel like I'm a shit! Worse than a shit! 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩 

Should u sing the song shit man?? By the girl whom u ale us play the song in your USB? Shit Man!!! But I'm a shit woman who gets no respects from you! Scold me like dog! Poorer than useless man! 👺👺👺👺😡😡😡

Basic trip to Malacca

A basic trip does provide good things. It all happen from bad to good. 

Yup, undeniable that it not that smooth from beginning, but everything went smoothly even when we are back. 

The life has gone to another phrase. 

Well, everything will be ended by Monday freak. 

Yea, jam... Exhausting... Tired.... Mentally ill.... And so much more and everyone says Monday's Blue.

It still gave me joy and love because everyday is a brand new day to starts fresh!! Seize the day. YOLO.! 

July

This is the beginning of July. Everything will become new. Especially time. 

I will start to be independent and not wasting my time anymore. I want to chance the opportunity which is ahead of me. 

Don't want to give up, and most of all, the reminder of being cherish the things I'm having now. 

Love, 

Ex-June 2013

Time flies

My year of 2013,
Valentine pass, 520 pass.

All these important dates pass without any surprise or any happiness. Is just ordinary day with normal routine. Sigh...
What else coming? I guess is not gonna work till soon.

Sigh.....

Work to JB

First time experience

Waking up early to go for JB to work. To dismantle all job that builds up. The journey starts at 7.30am and makes me drove all the way to Tangkak. Then change driver.

Reaching JB at 11.45am. Lunch before start work. Finishing around 4.30pm. Then drove back all the way. Did stopped for break dinner then Drove workers back, and I reach home at 9.45pm. What a tiring day.
Can't express much. Really falling down. But I feel good because at least I did something

Concern

I don't know what to say.

Cry? Because I'm too touch by the way he cares for me?
Laugh? Because he regrets of his doing by treating me bad at the past?

Sigh.. Really speechless. Maybe I should do both.
Maybe he knows I have a painful life on....
Well, I'm doing good n fine. Hopefully I can persist and be strong always.

Election Day

5/5/2013

A big day for the country. As everyone was eagerly waiting for the moment to change, "Ubahlah", and this time, "Kali Inilah" to change the government. As all believe the corruption and the bankrupcy soon will ended Malaysia into a worse state. That's why, all no matter young or old, are so supportive.

While I, couldn't vote but just to watch eagerly. Is not that I don't want to vote. My registration just couldn't been process. Sigh... Wasted a vote. But I'm trying my best to Pray for a better country as it does affect each of the citizen life.

If ever, the changed government didn't perform well, citizens will change back to BN. As DAP/PAS and others has been wining NS, Penang, Kelantan, and etc. We will have to make sure the parliment seat belongs to the righteous one...

Really can't wait to see the results, although I'm sleepy because slept late and waking up early to church for service. Just had a short nap in the afternoon. What a life! Of course happy to hear that Selangor is on holiday tomorrow. Too bad, I have to work. Because of urgent work from other state in JB. Pray for JB situation that it will be smooth and peaceful state that it won't and doesn't provoke any stir and troubles if whoever win or lose. Make this country a beautiful and peaceful country.

Sleeping Pillow

Really been through a lot.
While waiting for payment in post office, I just have a short walk in Jusco. It really reminds me of one thing that I need. That is memory pillow. Ah well, it related to old time story again.
Such pillow that I needed now for my sleeping posture. It really helps for me to have a good sleep. It cost RM100+. Is so super expensive. Is the same brand I bought before.
Wonder y so expensive. Maybe I should go to Viva Home to see n look for price again. Less choice here.
I need better sleep!!!

Labour Day

Another year of employee off day! What to do le?
I guess just stay at home, walk around, clean up old house, or read some books!
What a boring day I could think of....

Sigh.....

Muahaha

Selfish tot :
If u willing to work hard for the past few years, I guess we are married?
Muahaha... Damn!

Goodbye

By Debra Ayis, Nigeria



Tears fill my eyes
In this world of goodbyes
As I look down this rugged cliff.
Years have passed
When to this cliff I cleaved
As the water hits jagged rocks
My life seems to have reached its dock
This pen seems my only solace
In a life once filled with laces
The very finest in the province
A life I lived through providence
Here there is no second chance
It is all but a solitary dance.
I do not see an escape
Unless I be mercifully saved
I felt so much as to dive
Headlong down this cliff
Right where my existence would cease
Now I do find peace
Where I knew despair
My very own steps I retrace
As I rethink my decision
I instead choose a vision
To face life’s mountains
Conquering whatever life may bring
Not by my strength alone
But on Him who has overcome the world.

(Jesus said), “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33

This is from ODJ, and it always read my heart. Thank u Lord for knowing me so well.

Today's feeling

Today, my heart was kinda sad. Don't know why. I'm so negative of all things and I'm not really in mood to work. After some lil crazy chat with someone, I became more crazzy..
I can't really concentrate on work for the first time. Thoughts running wild in brain. Not working but just lingering around at work place. I felt bad for what I'm doing. Even my boss is like that.
Haha.. Funny and crazy crazy went through a day.
But around night time, I'm kinda happy and being positive again because I received his message, all the way from Bangkok. Not to say I'm worried or anything. Just the heart so down without a word from him. I jump my face into joy. I really could feel that myself. I just felt I couldn't make it without him even though i told myself to stay strong.
But most of all thank u Ed, for your support. Kindy appreciated. U did cheer me up, but not so much. At least  the cheer is there. Tears drop again when u cheer me up. Thanks.

I'm declaring I won't give up on anything for now! I will stay strong for now. I will try to pursue what I feel like is mine! Thanks my dear and people around.

upzdatez and bad updates...

:) Is been extreme long time that I didn't log in to see whatzzup!!
Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Days, Weeks, Months, and even Years past fast.
Here has been half a year I didn't update.
Well, I'm still fine and good. (I guess) just a bit poor due to big whole in the pocket.
It doesn't hurt physically much... Just heart hurt mostly.
Many things running around like cats and dogs, that makes troubles and affected my life again.
Family problem, financial, studying, works, and partly myself.

Sigh....
Will God willing to change my everything I been through to a better one?
I'm really exhausted and tired to face the world.
Or can I just hide in the cave to ask God to come and save me?
Can God grant me a good family? A peaceful family with easy and perfect going family?
Can God give me the best boyfriend of all? or give me the best husband that I could meet now?
Can God provide me rich financially? Not to suffer to see when will I be enough to use?
Can God provide me a car?
Can God let me continuously study without worrying of financial problem? And score well in my exam?
Can God make me have a smooth and finding customer easily in my working area? SO that I could earn extra and helps to build a happy home to all?
Can God calm my heart and not to think too much of others? Heart wilding.. >.<

Sigh....
Sister has been asking me y do i sign so much. I just couldn't explain much. Mouth just can't smile. Too much depressed.