today, it makes me feel like going back to the past. Where I think of my grandma, the way she nag me, scold, care, love, giving money, giving food, being independent, and the part telling stories to me. I actually felt quite sad and wanting to cry to see her lying on the bed, emotionless, and cant talk. She is like my source of encouragement and strength. She really gave me a lot of courage to do things that I want. She is part of supportive.
I somehow remember how she ask me to go to hospital check up for the heart. She don’t even want to disturb the whole family members to accompany her to hospital by requiring people to fetch or dropping her off. She insisted me to go hospital with her alone, using public transport, and cab to reach to hospital. If i’m not mistaken that time I was not less than 15 years old. It was more than 10 years ago. And she probably aged 70++.. She is a good fight. (Yea, according to Suet Yin) How me and her waited in the hospital to take the number for check up. Sometimes, it might ended taking number in the morning but have to return back in the afternoon for it. How silly the hospital is. But grandma always waits patiently. Chatting with people around, with me and nurses, though her bahasa is not good. I still remember how pain she was when the doctor poke her finger or at the arm just to test blood. That time, I felt horrible and sympathy by having those pain. Even my heart was painful to see her being poke that way. But I did ask her, she just said, “is just for a moment.” How awesome is she…
I also remember how she used to told me stories about her own self when I was really young. She told about her life, her love with grandpa, her most golden time when she had a gold teeth. And she is so pretty when she was young.
For now, I only get to be back to visit her when she got sickness. I felt so terrible. But this is all I could do. I couldn’t go and face my idiotic father, who seems never appear before in hospital. Because I never heard his name once when Aunt Mei didn’t mention about his name. But I am just fine and I knew my 2 sis will go and visit her.
I guess, I should go early before dawn tomorrow just to see what I can do. and though is a rush for me, but nothing is much more rusher than my grandma.
