Things ended on april fool..
The day which is hard to believe, hard to gian trust, hard to predict.
I'm wondering am i the person who are in dilemma or only which i should have to blame beause of my own lack of communication.
Few guys that i met (exs) told me im lack of communication. It is really my problem of speaking things out? even though i really enjoy talking to them rather then hiding things behind them? Im really blur in knowing things im doing. I felt like im a loser, a failure, a girl who doesn't even know whats her own past mistakes. As a person grow, or a person go thru experiences, Old man sure will say, u will change of what u been going thru. But i don't.!! People still say im lack of communication. Am i the one to BLAME? Or it is my own fault for making such a things?
I have pray and pray that God would please make things better and brighter in the way he command me to go. But He doen't let me do it. What i get in my mind was only a empty promises or it just a dream of He promise me? I really wonder. I always pray that I want the last is this relationship and a relation can goes on last forever. But God still tends me to be celibacy in His own way. I also wonder, what i wrote here is what he spoke to me or just the way i am being negative to myself.
People will start to think things goes beyond control once is out of their expectation whether is positive or negative. N yes i admit i'm kind of person who are blur, slow, always in a moody mood, a person who happy only when things get my way. But before that, i'm happy being myself and of what i believe in. I potrait God as someone who is always on the brighter side. A person who could give me so much energy and strength when i'm down. But is really hard to be my ownself when i felt i don't please others in a relationship. I couldn't be happy when someone who are close to me upset. I also wanting to make things goes well and please both sides. Communication doesn't comes in only a way. If things happen not good, why not giving each other more chances to solve the problem? or knowing each other more thru this time? Or giving the opportunity to understand more of each other hearts....?
I'm so greatly in love and down when i heard the word. Same as the phrase, "Let him go.. If he is mine, he will come back to me.. If not, is meant to be.." (is just a phrase for me to ease my heart) I guess i should be strong again like past. Take things easily. Maybe be like him. Can take things up easily and put it down easily.
Just smile for the another day for the another day is not owning me anything and making me feel bad. Only people making me feel bad. Just rejoice in the Lord Father Almighty. :)
Should be stop crying and start to smile. And take it as a new experience.
