hate in heart

how painful I am once again. Where he scold me again.

For me, yes I knew what mistake I had done. But is just to notify him as he want me to before. Yes… The word stupid might be painful for him to accept. But y cant he really look on the other view that he is indeed are.?? Im not trying to judge a person. From the way, he really are… calling him stupid I knew hurt him. But I just want him to be  aware of  it.

And those stuff I had been repeating over and over, making him said me as talking too much. Mumbling here and there like an old lady. U think I want it? I don’t want too. I prefer to keep my mouth shut as ever.

Yes, I made the decision of letting go of everything. Things he want to do, I just let him do. I wont say extra. He ask, I just give a simple and answering yes and no. I wont give so much suggestions. More I talk, the more I got scold. Thanks to all my talking……… I got scold.

And he just so egoistic. I hate that. Well…. Let him be until he will turn back and say sorry after all hard way he will been going through. U like pain in the ass, I will let u have it.

Part of people slapped me, just go ahead.! yea! people slapped me.So what? Y must u keep on repeat people past? Funny? I got U! U like to provoke people using their past and prove that u are right. Go ahead! because u are the loser, who can’t do the best for your own self!

argument still move on..

Long time didn’t update here. Been a month?

 

Well, argument still does happen. This is the second time where I hit him. and it is a real big fight.

I thought everything was going fine, yet, still the same old shit of adding back him in FB, and guys who called me.

I wonder why will he be so jealous of it. I really want to know what is the wrong with not adding him in FB. Just because he want to get recognize as my BF to my whole world?

Or he want to do it on purposely to compare with others? How others do, we also should be doing it also?

Why must he think of his own? He never thought of me? How I got scared by his last attitude where he deny and still saying he won’t act like last time where He will comment on my Wall and even my guys friend wall?

I really no idea.

Why does him need to care of my friend who wanna ask me out? He should know that I hardly go out  with any guys especially those he didn’t trusted. Only when he is willing not to get angry or even jealousy, I will bring him go together to meet my guys friends. Why he behave so naïve?

If he love me, why won’t he behave like an open minded man? Why must make himself like loser, where I felt he want to show people his POWER and EGO whereby, he can’t do and act like a man.

I really frustrated with all these. I don’t know how long as I could bear all these pain alone, all by myself.

If I don’t protect myself I hardly could voice out next time.

Shut up will kills me, talk more, it hurts me…

Pls God show me how to do…

Im in lost mood.

I really want to release all my stress, but I can’t.

I’m sorry as well for hitting him because I felt I’m defenseless. I’m so weak.

HELP…..

Life with Edmund sickness

Sometimes I'm quite mad about you, but sometimes,I wonder why I love you so much. A week before, we had quite a big fight. Is all related about 3rd party and sort of some my past which happen after me and him break up.
But is all over now.

Yet today is another where his sickness came. I dont know what to do. With pocket quite empty though still can survive till end month, but I still worried of him. He began to feel it yesterday and when I saw him after work, he began to feel tired with sleepy look and with big flu going on.
Actually, I insisted him to look for doctor. But he kept on rejecting. I wonder what I can do besides waking up in the middle of night to check his temperature and to wipe off his body heatness that start this morning.
No matter how hard it is, I will still try my best to take cRe of him because he is one and only person I couldn't afford to lose.

Argument

Unexpected things happen today. As everything went quite smoothly for 4 days. But it happen on the 4th night. I’m kinda surprise to see what had happened. Old things still remain in the old body. The attitude of forgiving and the power to grab hold and worried still there. It really make me see how he did.

In every conversation ended me with a smile but this make me frown. I couldn’t even smile and say anything. It all bounced back to me… All the things happen, sms, communication with friends, social networking such as fb, and twitter makes a person jealous and worried. I have refrained myself from doing it so much yet it still the same results.

Do less, gets words. Do more, also gets words. Why don’t I do it more?

But I can’t. Because what I did, I do care for him. But he did not realize it. How could it be? How could he always lock himself up in the box and not setting himself free to look things at all better view?

Without judging, pointing fingers, without mentioning what I should do where by I’m more conscious of the situation , all these could end up with a SMILE.

But with these, I really can’t.

And I’m wondering, which blog should I put into all my these feelings.

GRUMPINESS, SADNESS, and LOVE

Hike on Bukit Saga

Sat, filled with Happy morning, as it was my only holiday for the week, I went out hiking with my buddies. We were planning for a simple outdoor activities that to fill our time and enjoy fellowship.

Went to Bukit Saga instead of any other place which were far. This is my first time there. It was quite a hard job as long time I did not do such hardcore activities. In MAPs, were different, Broga were easier and less and shorter route. But this Bukit Saga, there are few route to follow. It just made us to a simple one as our first time.

We follow a route where more people intend to follow. Quite tough for certain area as no rope to hold on. My fear was height. Yup… For first, I’m afraid of it. But I steady my self because I know the Lord is there for me. My faith has lead me thru every circumstances. Luckily I was with my buddies which we look after on another.

After reaching up the summit, as we all know, there is a waterfall.. Just like in FRIM. We head to our another journey to get our satisfying feel to see waterfall.

Is indeed, a great time there. Up and down hill. Obstacles… Then WATERFALL…!!!!

Cold and good place though is crowded. Is worth. We just watch the nature.

After the waterfall, we head back our trip back to the summit of Bukit Saga. It took us quite a long journey back there, but the road is smooth not much obstacles like up and down hill. Just puddle of mud.

When upon reaching, we were happy to reach at least we could have a rest before going down hill again.

Yup indeed a good day to hike. It took us about 5 hours for first time.