Very angry!!!

I had a very mad night. I hardly to control myself to speak all the foul language.

It started with my journey home.

As usual, when reaching Chan Sow Lin station, I called up mum to notify her that I reached. Hoping she could come and pick me up earlier. But case are different today. Normal time when I called her at 7pm, she might as usual come at 7.30pm. The time is still alright that I just have to wait for 15 mins. But today, I have to wait for an hour for her. From bright day to dark sky, I been waiting for her.
My happy face goes to a grumpy face! As I was reading some manga, even though I'm quite aware of surrounding I'm also kinda worried of stealing, robbing or whatsoever that could happen to me even if I'm at the Maluri bus stop with less people.
Days really getting dark. More busses and cars pass by. I waited till 8.15pm, mum only arrived! My grumpy face turns to a angry face. I couldn't bear with her attitude that she didn't told me that she'll be late.
Ish!!!
Slamming the door, sit without seatbelt, not even a Harlow, and not even talked to her. Then she started to blame the buses because they makes traffic jams all the way.
Please la! I'm not kid anymore! If she comes at usual time, there won't be buses who causes the jam!
My angriness adding more and more. Become maddy. I'm thinking, I worked for 12 hours! And I have to wait for her! Comparing my tiredness, my pale look, and my sleepy eyes!
Damn!!
Then she asked me to go pack food somemore! Dah La, marah! Nak bungkus nasi juga! Suruh saya pergi sementara dia menunggu dalam kereta?? Adui! Mulut pandai suruh saya tapi sendiri tak nak pergi!
Slam the door again from me! Asking u eat what u say anything! Then don't come to a restaurant which got variety of food la! Really F! Slamming again from me when got up the car.
All the way, I have been quiet. Oncpre, slamming again when I reach home and got down. Who cares! She don't dare to talk to me again.
And I just bath and got into my own room and read some comic to release my own tension!
But still can't! Ish!!!! Really mad of waiting without informing!!

again and again… had a big fight with him not more than 2 weeks.

I’m injured again. this time is on my fingers. 2nd and 4th and my wrist. (not mistaken my elbow as well).

It felt the ache on my body again. and soon… it will be in pain again. don’t know how long to last right now.

it all started saying I talk to him with not a good tone. I acted to be cool.. My problem of talking to him. Which was according to him.

Im just answering what he asked and giving him a choice to choose. But all ended up, when guided him, he started the fire….

When being nice, telling him stuff, he ignored and acted like he know. If he knows, things won’t ended up so badly.

Choosing of leaving again of course…..

yea… I try to ask him to leave, but he couldn’t do it. So what can I do?

Defamed me here and then when he packed. Trying to say I’m this and that…

Ended up… more fight had been going on.

 

I hate man saying my past.

- got bitten

- got others

- defamed me

- I’m a bitch, slut and woman not worth to be with.

 

And as well, he pushed me down for many times in this fight. Which made me more angry and hate all this pushy stuff. Still kids? U don’t like, u can push? Is called idiot!

To be honest, I wack and slap his face is because he never listen and scream at me. The rest, I do was just being self defense.

What’s the different between slapping a person and pushing a person for few times? It is still the same because the heart is in pain.

 

Actually I’m really tired and sick of this relationship. I’m too confused sometimes. Is he really loving me or torturing me. I just don’t want to heart over obsessed with love. Is call stupid!!

I’m really tired.

Disappointment in getting a job

Mum has disappoint me in the job that I ought to take. At first, I thought this job 8-12am might start and by hopefully, I could earn some money for my studying and also for the things I wanna buy. But right now, I don’t think I can. Just because of her reason, that she can’t be home early by 7. She explained saying this is her working time. This and dat. It makes me frustrated!! Because I think, her reason is not reasonable. How could she still working when her working hour is over? And, before 6, why not she pack her stuff and leave at 6? Why must she wait till 6, only start to pack up?

What kind of bullshit it is? Just said it, if she doesn’t want me to work there!

I really hope to get a sum of money which can help in my own studies or in the things that I want to buy.

 

But now, it is all hopeless!!!

 

If God is good, let me find a job which suit my working hour and even a good income salary please…

>.< I’m really out of way. I don’t wish to be tempted.

Maddy

lots of things had happen.

my temper is not getting good. I get frust easily…

Eg: a) My mum couldn’t come and pick me up on timing when I reach lrt and I have to wait for 5 more minutes whereby I had inform her earlier on to get her prepared.

b) My room light were good before I went out, and it got burst after when I’m back. It was my sis in my room playing with my comp dat time.

c) My lil sis using my laptop to play games online in FB. Which I couldn’t really tahan of she kept on asking me this… Which this is my personal comp. and I bought it myself. I wonder, if it get collapsed, who is gonna pay for me? Not my mum.. cause she is not involve in. But me? No way!!

d) After my lamp were spoilt, mum hired ppl to come and fixed it. That stupid fella dunno is a room or wat, trying to screw the light out and make my whole room dirty. Without asking for newspaper to cover all the dirt of whatsoever. Which make me clean up my room in the night after so tired whole day outing for GB, rushing for friends wedding. I wonder, did God hear me say in heart, that I want to change my bed sheet. =.=”

But I’m glad seeing Sarah’s wedding held on this day 16 oct. There was a story behind it. They were actually met 6 years before on this day. And A day before they met, Sarah pray for a guy who can take care of her. And it does happen. And she pray for someone like King David, the next day, a guy named David came. Haha…. Such a good God.

I wonder where is mine. :P Haha…

Wanting God to calm my heart so much. I know what I been thru and I need self control on me myself.

Tired……. ZZZzzzZZZzzz…………..

headache…

 

having argument everyday with him. it is like never ending.

I can surely say, he is the one who look for fight everyday. And i cant really take it anymore, sooner or later. I don’t know why do i need to be patience with him so much. It makes me sick and till the extend is ANNOYING and making me to avoid him more and more!!

What on earth is this man! Who keeps me going repeated for the same words, same phrases, same attitude from him! That is the most irritating!!

Argh…!!

When will he change for goods?

When will he know what he did was wrong?

When will he be real mature to understand people’s feeling?

When will it be???

As he said 3 months time? I’m saying impossible. Where by i said 2 years to see his changes. If still no, better stop bah… waste my time (it has already been less than 1 and half year!!)

found out this is a very good website for Christian.

 

http://www.jameslau88.com/

 

N i dislike men that are so stubborn, self seeking, ego, n even useless..

Make me wanna strangle them alive. :P

 

Try Be Holy and Pleasing to God.

Cruel

am very cruel doing things that people do to me.
 Deleting FB means deleting part of your life. N i like it, because u did to my life before.
Thanks for it. I appreciate your effort in it. It means so much for me. As it means to u.
 Act according to mood swing or just couldn't control will make u more suffer in the future.
Better be sorry before you start to do something that is going to hurt people.

"How you treat people is how people treat you."

Care and concern

Now, u guys could have see what happen to me and my family.

I'm once again, got screw up in the family. A true tragic...

I am bitten up by my own dad after such a long adults life. It was since below 12years old, he never hit on me. But who knows, what cause it, what trouble it, my attitude, my behavior, or his?

I'm not quite for sure. But all i know, it happens in the house where only 3 person in the house. That is my aunt, dad and me. My aunt don't even try to stop my dad for his action. Just being so "Lucky" to be the one who become a victim in the house. In that sense, i could say, i save my elder sister (Alister) or even younger sister (Sheryn) for being the first victim after in adults age.

Did he got mental problem? or whatsoever? I don't wanna judge and think about it.

What i know, when things or problems happen, it happen from both sides. It also depending on how to control your temper.

And lucky to say, I got Edmund by my side to support me. He be the one who take care of me when this accident happen. Thanks also to mum. She receive my called, and rush over to SAVE me.. Also to people who care and concern, Aunt Connie, Aunt Christine, Alister, Christine and people who knows bout this happening.

And for my hatred, I know i'm not suppose to be. Just wanna say thank you for being my dad after so long till last year Father's Day and now it happen such a thing like this, i couldn't bear it anymore to say, I don't want to be your daughter anymore. I wish i could live freely without you. (All this is a soft word part, for hard word) FUCK U LA!!!

Sorry to make u guys worried....

Being appreciate

Having a thought of being appreciation today and even few days before. How cruel it is, when someone didn't say thank you or express their thanks to us when it is the time.... And i know how God feels now and why we need to say Grace for food.. although i been thanking God for the food, weather, friends and blessings.

It's being so rudely when things happen, and someone doesn't appreciate things. Example.. when a mother buying a kids toy, the child doesn't even know to say thank you and just spoilt the toys. How would you react in this cases? Or a friend treating you good always and so do you do. But out of a sudden, you just say, "shut up, monkey." How would you wanna express your gratitude for someone being nice to you or you being nice to people?

@.@ Headache.. I wanna leave all these things aside by not thinking of it. But seeing such cases happen, i'm not satisfy with it. But God told me, don't be angry for the Satan will come and harm you more. And im still angry when i written this blog. I hope my anger will slowly faed away. Cause God ask me to love one another and not hate one another.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!